Parenting: A Field Guide
You need in-the-moment guidance without gimmicks or put-downs. You’d like clear, sensible ideas and a fresh perspective, along with guilt-free support. Get all that in my new book, Parenting: A Field Guide. It’s your expert companion from toddlers to teens.
Order your copy now, as a softcover book, a searchable pdf e-book, or formatted for the Kindle book reader. And find out about our Buy One, Send One book give-away program... details below.
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When you buy a copy of Parenting: A Field Guide from this site, we’ll send a second copy free to a deserving organization of your choice. Get a copy of Dr. Anderson’s book for yourself and put another one on the shelves at your local public library, your Head Start center, your child’s preschool, your pediatrician’s office… wherever you like. If you wish, we’ll include a bookplate in the gift copy, naming you as the donor.
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Excerpted from the chapter "Discipline"
It is not true that people do things only because they will be rewarded for doing them. What is true is that every person has an inborn desire for respect. No one - not even a child - wants to be manipulated. When rewards and promises are used to coerce good behavior, children revolt. No reward is better than being an independent, free person.
This doesn’t mean you can never say, "Wow, that was a terrific thing you did. Let’s celebrate!" But it does mean that you can’t develop the kind of self-discipline you’re looking for when you say, "If you do a terrific thing, then we’ll celebrate." The problem is not with the celebration but with the cause-and-effect condition put on it. A celebration is something you do with another person. A reward is something you do to another person. No one wants to be done-to. Read more!
